Chronicle of the Heart

by Larry and Carol Smith

“And the Real Chronicle of life is the Journey of the Heart.”

My earlier blog, “A Chronicle”, tells about the life journey that Carol and I have been on for the last couple of years. In particular, it is a recollection of my battle with COVID, and Carol and me bringing my mother, who had dementia and cancer, into our home to live. It was a long story so I just recounted some of the events without writing about feelings and how we were, and still are, profoundly affected by everything that transpired during those two or so years.

Everything has indeed changed for us on so many levels. When I was younger I had the idea that everything that was going on in life would lead to a stopping place where the pieces would all come together and the process of change would slow way down and maybe even stop. The end result might be good or might be bad depending on good or poor choices. But this turned out to not be true. Life never stops changing and in my experience, contrary to what we may believe, we don’t have total control in life through any of our own efforts.

Before my mother’s strokes, and before I was hospitalized with covid, Carol and I had our future tentatively mapped out. I had somewhat fixed ideas about life and spirituality that I felt confident in. We knew that our thoughts and beliefs and goals and plans were just an approximation of what things were or would turn out like, but I, at least, felt that I was pretty close to being correct in my thinking.

And then the reality of life hit me with a whammy. Movement toward accomplishing plans and dreams stopped abruptly. The certainty of our vulnerability became apparent as our lives moved into the world of uncertainty about so many things.

I began to see that my own efforts to take care of my family and myself were only adequate as long as there was no interference by the many variables that come with life. No matter what you do to prepare, there is always the possibility of the unanticipated and unexpected.

And so it is also with life itself. Unexpected changes can come anytime, sometimes good and sometimes bad. Death is always just around the corner and good health, no matter how hard one tries, can be compromised from out of the blue.

I saw in my own life a fatal flaw of human nature: the assumption, at different periods in life, that we have gained wisdom and common sense. And that we know all we need to know to continue successfully.

Carol and I discovered that we were powerless and could not win over such overwhelming odds by using the knowledge we already had. In order to survive we would have to find a new path to learning that could be counted on and allow us to progress.

And that in itself presented a problem because there is so much relativity in all the knowledge to be found. For every opinion there is an opposite one; for every piece of information labeled “fact,” there is another proclaiming different and opposing facts. What proved to be true for some, and worked in their circumstances, failed to be true for others. To really know what was best for us would require trial and error, a lifelong process that takes time and comes with a cost. Since the COVID I had begun to feel old and too short of quality time.

We knew that factual learning was not all we needed. We looked to other types of learning in life. Experience and trial and error are categories of learning we are all familiar with. And, for example, we can often know more about situations and relationships by how we are emotionally affected.

But the type of learning that we needed most was one weren’t sure how to take advantage of: spiritual knowledge. I’m not talking about what we learn through religion. What I mean is the ability to know which way to go or what to do to transcend difficult or uncertain circumstances, both ordinary and seemingly insurmountable, by tapping into a source of knowledge that did not come from our background, experience or preparation for life.

This was the type of learning comes about by connecting first to our inner selves and then to the Great Intelligence that is within us but which does not originate from our own intellect.

There is a book that we can learn to live by that tells of this Great Intelligence, but the book itself is not God. The book shows us the character of God, something about who he is and where and how he works and moves. It points us in the direction where we are to go to find Him. It explains how we could ever possibly be able to know Him and have a growing relationship. But finding Him and being in right relationship with Him is something each of us has to do on our own.

God is speaking to us not just in the book but in all kinds of ways. That’s one thing the book clues us into. There are many characters in the book, all on the same ultimate journey, but starting and traveling and finally getting there was a little different for each of them. God is undefinable and cannot be known within any context that we as human beings can apply. And it is human nature for us to try to find truth through the template of context and possibly mistakenly think we have found truth.

He is ever present, in every life, waiting to be approached or be invited to approach. When we sincerely seek Him, which is in our nature to do, we can feel confident in approaching Him within the perimeters of our own unique existence and lifestyle and, if we are really seeking truth, He will appear in a manner that we can understand and relate to.

One of the reasons Jesus came and lived an earthly life was to be a model for how to seek and follow the will of God. Not only did He Himself exist as the perfect example, but He also helped everyone He encountered on earth, within the boundaries of their particular individuality and circumstances, find the pathway to being in right-standing with God.

As Carol and I took a deeper and closer look at Jesus the man, we reaffirmed something that we already knew but perhaps had not fully accepted: No matter how much real spiritual knowledge we acquired or how well we were able to live a good and loving and truthful life or how hard we tried, we would never get to where Jesus was as a man. Being like the man Jesus was something we needed to aspire to but could never accomplish.

How badly we needed a savior and not just after we die. We needed Him here and now in our lives on this earth. We needed help finding the real difference between right and wrong, that transcends the relativity of human nature. We needed to have the actual involvement in our lives of the Great Power we read about in the book. We needed to understand and recognize the difference between our own beliefs and desires and what was actually true and not tainted by our self-righteousness and selfish nature.

We knew that there is a Way that brings freedom and right standing with God but realized more than ever that by our own strength and effort we could never stay on that path or make it to the destination.

Long ago we had found the answer in the book but had not fully acknowledged it. It was the coming of the Holy Spirit. As believers in Christ, there is a Spirit that lives in us that is not our own spirit.

From the bible we knew that the Holy Spirit is the source of all wisdom and knowledge. Jesus said the Holy Spirit will teach us all things. He said that through the Holy Spirit He Himself and the Father Himself will come and make their abode with us.

It began to dawn on us more and more that this spiritual knowledge that was so simple, and yet beyond human comprehension, was not something we had to find, but rather it was something that we had to believe, accept and open up our hearts to receiving. God, through the Holy Spirit, does not force change on us. We are not puppets or robots to be directed, programmed against our will.

In these past two years plus, since the COVID, we have learned to look and listen for God in the world around us, in all of our comings and goings, and in all of our experiences. Most importantly we have learned to look into our hearts to see how God is working in us and changing us by the power of the Holy Spirit who dwells within us. God says much through the landscape of His creation and even more through the touching of our hearts.

We are no longer merely seekers for truth. We have found the ultimate truth. But we will always continue to be travelers going deeper and deeper into the marvelous mystery that has been revealed to us not through our own efforts but by God’s grace.

And the mystery that is truth itself, that Christ Himself actually lives within us, is bigger and more marvelous than anything we could have ever imagined.

We have a long, long way to go, but thank God we have a savior who is with us always.  

Hopefully, we will begin to more and more let go of ourselves and learn to live in the freedom and assurance we have eternally that will never let us down and know the peace that passeth all understanding.

 © 2022 by Larry and Carol Smith

For I am a minister of the Church by divine commission, a commission granted to me for your benefit and for a special purpose: that I might fully declare God’s word—that sacred mystery which up to now has been hidden in every age and every generation, but which is now as clear as daylight to those who love God. They are those to whom God has planned to give a vision of the full wonder and splendour of his secret plan for the sons of men. And the secret is simply this: Christ in you! Yes, Christ in you bringing with him the hope of all glorious things to come (Colossians 1:25-27 Phillips Translation).

You can be sure that I will be with you always. I will continue with you until the end of time (Matthew 28:20 ERV).

Jesus answered, “All who love me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them. My Father and I will come to them and live with them. But anyone who does not love me does not obey my teaching. This teaching that you hear is not really mine. It is from my Father who sent me. I have told you all these things while I am with you. But the Helper will teach you everything and cause you to remember all that I told you. This Helper is the Holy Spirit that the Father will send in my name. (John 14:23-26 ERV)”