The Inward Direction

By Larry and Carol Smith

Posted July 20, 2019

It was intensely hot, and I wiped the sweat off my brow with my shirt sleeve. Reaching into my back pocket, I felt for the little piece of paper and pulled it out. Through the sweat that was already dripping into my eyes again, I tried to make sense out of the squiggly lines that were supposed to be a map of the trail system that Carol and I were exploring.

The sweat made my eyes burn, and I could barely see. “Hold on Carol,” I said. “Let’s stop here and sit for a minute. I can’t make a bit of sense out of this map, especially when I’m trying to walk. Sure wish I had my reading glasses.”

I spotted a fallen log and sat down on it. Carol sat beside me and, taking the little piece of paper from my hand, held it up close to her eyes. “Where are we anyway?” She asked. “

“I think we are lost,” I sighed worriedly.

Carol continued to look at the map for a few minutes and then handed it back to me. “Makes no sense at all. Do you think we can find our way back out of here?”

Straining my eyes to look at the map again, I used my finger to trace what I thought was our route so far. “Well I know we got to here,” I said pointing to a junction in the trail a little more than a mile from the trail head.

I pointed to another spot on the map. “And then we made a right turn and came to this fork. But after that I am confused because the map doesn’t seem to match the route we took.”

Just ahead we could see another split in the trail. Looking at the map again, I didn’t see anything that looked familiar.

“Wish we had brought some water,” Carol said. “It is so hot. And I sure hope we can find our way out of here before dark.”

I pulled my smartphone out of my pocket to check the time. We had about three hours to find our way back to the car before it would start getting dark on us. I gave a second glance at the phone and noticed that there was no phone signal. “Me too,” I said in reply to Carol. “No phone service here so we can’t call for help either.”

We continued to sit quietly on the log, but my thoughts were anything but quiet.

I didn’t want to let on to Carol, but I was a little scared about our being lost. It was entirely my fault. We had both been busy at work, and at home, and so very ready for a getaway. I made a reservation at a nearby state park lodge without talking it over with Carol first and then surprised her with the news that we were taking a little trip.

And now we had jumped out on a trail and lost our way. “Well,” I said. “We can’t just sit here. Which way do we go?”

Carol didn’t answer right away. I was already tired and closed my eyes for a minute.

My thoughts raced along on a trail of their own, spinning rapidly and popping up images and memories of our journey as a married couple.

We had a wonderful marriage but the journey had not always been smooth. Life seemed to move by way too fast, and it seemed like one trial after another kept popping up to slow us down and pull us away from our plans and dreams.

Our lives were in perpetual motion and often seemed out of control. But by experience we were learning to consider the consequences of our choices, to act and not just react to the things that came our way.

But on this day, contrary to what we professed as a practice, we were lost out in the woods as the result of my not thinking things through and making the best choices.

Carol’s voice awakened me out of my reverie. “I think we need to go left,” she said tiredly.

“I’m not so sure about that,” I said. “It looks like that trail to the left is going to be all uphill. The other way looks a lot easier.”

Carol stood up and leaned against me while she re-tied her shoestring. “Whatever you think is best,” she sighed. “But before we do anything, let’s pray.”

I completely agreed. We bowed our heads for a moment and asked God to help us make the right choice. Then, as was our custom after praying, we shared a quick kiss.

Taking Carol’s hand, I began walking toward the trail on the left. Pulling on my hand, she stopped us. “I thought you weren’t so sure about this direction.”

“I really have no idea about either direction,” I said. “I was just wanting to avoid climbing any hills. But I trust your intuition, and I am ready to follow it. As long as we stay together, we’ll be okay.”

We continued ahead, still holding hands, and both of us became silent as the trail started upward toward an uncertain destination.

Once again, Carol and I were on an adventure. We weren’t quite sure where this journey would lead us. But we felt confident that if we stayed on the path together, and trusted God to lead, we would eventually find our way back to where we started from.

 

It hadn’t always been that way in our marriage with me. For a while I had the funny idea that I was the leader and Carol was the follower. In our discussions about the future, and in my mind, I concocted elaborate plans for us. But, thankfully, I realized that my way was not always the best way.

It was obvious that sometimes there were circumstances where Carol should lead, and I should follow. And there were times we needed to do things separately.

The best way was always for us to walk side by side and share the leading. But so far today, I was mostly trying to go my own way and not doing a good enough job finding out and accepting where “we” needed to go; where she wanted to go.

And whenever I chose to pursue a direction without considering Carol, my life moved me outward, away from our common goals and God’s plan for us to become one and act as a team.

There had been other times that I was guilty of moving in this outward direction by choosing to do some things that took me farther away from a life of quality, relationship building, time with Carol rather than closer.

Some of the other couples we knew worked hard to maintain their own identities. They talked about how being in a close relationship threatened who they were personally and compromised their personal goals and relationships with others.

They felt that they needed space, time away from their spouses in addition to the time they already spent apart at work in fulfilling other obligations. So they continued to develop their own separate interests, pursing hobbies and even separate friends and social activities.

In my heart I knew that it was important for Carol and I to always be free to pursue the things in life that bring us individual fulfillment and personal enrichment. It was very  important for us to have space in our lives to express our identities and to meditate and relax.

But at the same time, if it was true that we were one, and no longer two separate people, our lives should begin to merge together with a common set of goals and plans.

Even though there were activities that we pursued individually, that would be hard for us to share, making God’s will the first consideration in everything became the glue that bound us together in all activities of life.

Life was all about choices, and we had chosen to live life alongside each other, sharing the good and the bad. We had taken the good parts from each of our lives and brought them into a new life, and a new world, that we were making together.

We enjoyed the good things together and faced the bad things together, working as a team to correct them. If we couldn’t fix them, we either endured them together or moved away from them, supporting each other as we did so.

Just like we were doing on this day on the trail, we tried our best to make our decisions together. We strived to consider whether or not our actions were moving us closer to God and closer together. We moved in an inward direction toward each other.

Was it really possible to maintain individuality in our marriage and lives and keep our personal freedom when going in the inward direction? Yes because we trusted and accepted each other based on our trust in God and our commitment to each other to find and explore the oneness we have that was a gift from God Himself.

Amazingly, God had given us peace that it’s okay to act individually sometimes. And He was teaching us how to share many things that at first seemed to be things we needed to do alone.

Huffing and puffing as we climbed the upward trail, Carol and I finally reached the top of a big hill. We were completely out of breath and stopped to lean on a big tree.

Seemingly out of nowhere, a gentle breeze blew across our faces. It felt cool and refreshing.

Feeling renewed, I left Carol for a moment to scout the trail. The trail began to go downhill again, and there was an opening just ahead.

Through the opening I saw what was the best sight I had seen all day…the trail head. “Hey! We’re not lost anymore,” I practically shouted!

Carol caught up with me, and we joined hands again. The rest of this hike was going to be easy!

And us being together as a couple was getting easier and easier too.

Together we were on a journey that was both sacred and spiritual. We had discovered the great mystery of Christ and of our oneness in Him and in each other. We had learned that our love would grow to greater proportions than we could ever imagine as we learned to love and obey God’s plan for us.

Ahead of us, there were still a lot of wonders to behold, beautiful things to see and much, much to learn.

I thought about what I had said to myself earlier: that the trail head was “the best sight I had seen all day!”

“That was completely wrong,” I thought to myself. The best sight I would ever see here on earth was holding my hand and walking right here beside me.

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.” (Psalm 143:8)

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?” (Ecclesiastes 4:9)

“And though one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12 AMP)

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2 NIV)

“The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” (Genesis 2:23-25 NIV)

“Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.” (Song of Solomon 8:7)

“For love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD.” (Song of Solomon 8:6)

© 2019 by Larry and Carol Smith